2011
2011 was probably the hardest year of my life up to date. Let’s recap shall we?
My abscess was still present…but slowly getting better
Pledged spring semester for my sorority—became a voluntary slave and fucked up some of my grades, lost my personality, but did gain really wonderful people in my life
Fell in love for the first time…got my heart completely broken for the first time
Seriously and honestly questioned my existence….and went crazy for a whole summer…but regained my sense of self towards the end of summer when I went to Greece and Turkey
Started the new fall semester with a broken heart but put an honest effort into school. It payed off
Still unsure if I’m really unhappy or really happy. But actually, the happy is so dominate. I’M NEVER SAD. But it’s there! it’s always there. That’s life. It’s impossible to have so many experiences and not have a compartment for sadness in your mind.
Hmm all the different feelings of 2011…SO many!
A short list of things I’ve learned:
1. “it gets better”-I think this is the most powerful one of them all. Nothing is ever permanent. Above all, chest collapsing sadness is not permanent. Even if you sit alone on your bed staring into complete darkness, sad out of your mind, trust me, it gets better. Just go to bed and in the morning, it’ll be different. Work towards the different. Make the change in your life! Trust me, it gets so much better.
2. “you are the most important person in your life”-sometimes you just gotta say “fuck everyone else, I’m doing my own thing.” I don’t know, cultivate yourself! Take care of yourself and do things that you want to do, that you have passion for! For me it was about saying “fuck you” to boys in my life and just worrying about myself. Go to eat with yourself, go for a run with yourself! If you let yourself, you’ll find that you are really funny and you will have so much stupid fun with yourself on a daily basis
3. “Have some damn confidence” -This goes for every aspect of my life, really. But mostly academic confidence. You are not the stupidest person that goes to your school. You all got into the same school. You are not inferior to them. Work your ass off and stop bitching. Pretty soon, you’ll be kicking everyone’s ass
4. “Respect your elders” I got extremely close to my mom this year…to the point where I literally tell her everything-even the things I’m not proud of. But if there’s anything I know, its that my mom is always right. And I gotta respect that ya know?ALSO YOUR PARENTS DO SO MUCH FOR YOU. HONOR THAT
5. “trust your intuition” Yeah, don’t try to talk yourself out of your gut feeling. It ain’t going to work honey
6. “DONT BE AFRAID OF THE SADNESS” I think we’re taught at a young age that sadness is bad and that we should just be happy all the time. Such fucked up thinking though! Sadness is such a valid emotion and it wants you to feel it. CRY a little and don’t be embarrassed about it. Feeling my own sadness that I’ve contained all my life has allowed me to grow in sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many ways. I’m really grateful for sadness
7. “Be present.” I read “The Power of Now” and it honestly changed my life. I learned about being completely present in the moment and not thinking about anything else. Such a valuable thing to learn! Still working on it, but I think I’m better at it than most
8. “Love all unconditionally” Yeah, people are assholes, but kill them with kindness and love.
9. “Don’t be afraid to ask for help, but more importantly, ACCEPT that you need help”
10. “Have a little fun” I take a lot of things seriously and I take a lot of things not so seriously. I think finding that perfect balance and being able to have fun is SO important
Okay so maybe 2011 was really shitty, but it was also the most neccessary year of my life. And I’ll drink to that
